Daisy in the Fringe

While Geoffry was by the fire warming the girl we rescued, I put my sundress on over my bikini.  There weren’t any more sun, but I reckoned that having the dress on might help keep me a little warmer in the cool of the evening, even if the bikini was still wet.  (I thought about taking off the bikini and wearing only the sundress, but I figured it’d be safer wearing both in case Geoffry and me went out for another walk.  Next time I go to a swim party, I’m bringing a full change of clothes.  And a sweater.)  After that, the night was a bit of a blur.  There was plenty of dancing and a good amount of drinking and eating of spiked ice cream and another trip out alone by the stream with Geoffry, and the party seemed to just go on and on and on.

At one point Geoffry and me was sitting around the fire with a bunch of folks.  Things had gotten quiet – the dancing was over and Tacita and Flanna and some other kids were curled up alseep – and some of us just sat around and traded stories while Dusty played soft tunes on the guitar accompanied by the rumbling of drunken snores.

One soldier, tall and handsome with hair so blond it was almost white, was there sitting next to Annie.  (I’d seen them slip out of the shuttle a little earlier, her smoothing her dress and buttoning up her bodice.  I was glad that Annie was having so much fun, but I really needed to get Geoffry to give her some of them pills.)  He started in telling about what it was like to fight a war way out beyond the stars, stuff about attack ships burning away out near Orion and raybeams glittering near some gate with a German name.  It sounded awfully pretty, and awfully sad, all that dying and pain.  Dusty was playing a sad little tune, and the music and the story together had tears leaking from my eyes.

After that I took a turn and, through Geoffry, told what it was like growing up on the Fringe before Mr Hawkins moved in.  Most people had never heard those stories – even the folks from Hawkinsville had mostly moved there after it grew to be a ranch – so they was surprised to hear how lonely things could be out on the Fringe, but also how close.  I told how hard Daddy used to work, herding the pigs and farming the fields, back when he was homesteading with Uncle Bill, and how momma always seemed to be doing something, cooking or cleaning or gardening or tending the chickens.  And what it was like, seeing nobody but your close kin for weeks at a time, and what a treat it was when all the neighbors got together, coming from miles around for a big to-do, sleeping in their wagons mostly, spending a couple-three days helping set up a barn or bringing in a harvest or just sitting around and chewing the fat, and how much fun it was when the sun went down and the fiddles came out.

I got so many happy memories of them days, before daddy sold out to Mr Hawkins.  I wonder sometimes what it would have been like if he had decided to move on out, deeper into the fringe, to start another homestead.  But daddy decided that he’d had enough of the struggle, that it was time to live the easy life, and how he’d be set with the money he got for his spread and what he could get working for Mr H.

But I never got to that part of the story, cause Dusty started in on singing one of her funny songs.  It was all about killing emperors, and went something like this:

I shot the emperor, but I did not shoot the Grand Vizier.

I shot the emperor, but I did it just to start a war.

It was an odd song, and it got me thinking on that soldier’s story.  But after a bit I was laughing along with everyone else.

Before long, the fire was getting low and Dusty was playing a quiet song, soft and sweet.  I must have fallen asleep, because the next thing I knew the sun was coming up and I was lying on a blanket, my head resting on Geoffry’s shoulder.  It was a nice way to wake up, which is a good thing, cause I reckon I’ll be waking next to him like that for most of the mornings of my life.

Dear Diary,

Well, I made my decision.  About the bathing suit, anyway.

I was standing there looking at the two suits, my head still spinning from what momma said, trying to decide which I’d wear, when I got to thinking.  Ever since I left home, I fought gunmen and ghouls.  I been speared by a statue and launched myself at an armed gunman with nothing more than my hands and feet.  I piloted a spaceship up where there’s no air at all and fought a troll with his own pack of crabdogs.  A girl who can do all that ain’t got no cause to be afraid of a little bathing suit.

I straightened my spine and put on the bikini, being careful to double-knot the strings that held it all together.  Them strings don’t look like much to be the only thing between me and my modesty, and I didn’t care for the thought of one of them bows coming undone on my first dive.  Then I tossed a sun dress over it all, cause I didn’t much want to be walking down the middle of town wearing only that suit.  I grabbed up a towel and a bag, kissed momma goodbye, and it was off to the party.

I wanted to make an entrance, so I worked my way over a back trail to the edge of the field.  Well before I was there, I could already hear the party humming along – lots of talk, sounds of splashing, and music that must have been coming from the shuttle cause I don’t reckon anyone’s got anything in these parts that sounded like that.  I smiled as I slipped my dress over my head and shoved it in my bag, happy that things was going so well.  Then carefully, since I was only wearing a bikini and sandals and didn’t want to scratch myself or stub a toe, I came round the bend to where a couple dozen people, half locals, half Minerva folk, was having a good time by the water hole.

I reckon my memory must be faulty, cause with recorded music playing there weren’t no way things could have gone dead silent as I walked into the middle of the clearing.  But there was a definite stillness that spread from person to person as they looked my way.  All around people stopped talking, fellers pointed me out to each other, and eyeballs turned in my direction.  One soldier even dropped his drink, and a ball bounced off the head of a cowboy when he forgot to catch.

I musta been blushing fit to burst, only I don’t suppose it mattered none since nobody seemed to be looking at my face.  So I just told myself to keep on walking, that I wanted to make an entrance and an entrance was made, and it weren’t so bad having all them people staring at me, now was it.

The guys playing catch were boys I had played with back in my school days, so I gave them a wave and a smile.  And with that, all pandemonium broke loose.  Next thing I knew they were all around me, saying, “Hi, Daisy, how you been,” and “You sure do look nice,” and “Can I get you a drink?  Something to eat?  Want to get married?”  I just smiled at them all, and smiled too at the soldiers who was giving wolf whistles over by the shuttle, when Geoffry appeared at my elbow.  Wrapping one arm around my waist, he growled, positively growled, at them fellers.  They took one look at him and backed off slowly.

After taking a long look at the crowd (and I ain’t never seen Geoffry looking so grim – not when he was tied up on the back of that bounty hunter’s mule, not even when he was gunning down ghouls), his features softened and, looking at me with about the dumbest smile I ever seen on his face, he said, “Daisy, you look, you look, oh, there just aren’t words.”  I beamed and touched his cheek, happy that I had found the nerve to wear that two-piece.

The rest of the day was about as pleasant as any I remember.  I wandered around talking with just about everyone, Geoffry translating my hand talk as I told old friends stories of the trail.  All my school chums was amazed by it all, and I don’t reckon they would have believed any of it if Dusty had told them.  Even the soldiers were extra nice.  One of them told me that he heard what Phoebus had done and said he’s just a jerk who nobody up on the Minerva much liked anyways and I shouldn’t judge all soldiers based on him.  That was so nice of him, and I patted his hand to let him know how much I appreciated him saying it.

Geoffry didn’t stray more than two feet from my side all day long, and every now and again I’d catch his eyes running over me when he thought I wasn’t looking.  I thought that was sweet; it made me feel good to know I had all his attention.  And it sure was convenient to have him so close: it meant I could show him off to all my Hawkinsville friends.  They was all awfully impressed at him being a doctor, and even more impressed when I told them he was a god-touched healer too.  He fixed up a few cuts and sprains, and even managed to heal Big Al Platocrates’s leg that he broke falling off a horse.  Pretty near everybody was impressed by that, and Al kept bringing Geoffry drinks afterwards.  I never knew Al could be so nice – he was an awful bully when we was younger – but I guess people do change.

Everyone I saw was having such a grand time.  Laurie and a couple of the girls was helping Prometheus cook the steer – he kept trying to make the fire too big, and they had to show him the difference between roasting and burning.  Dusty was surrounded by cowboys, and near as I can tell she never did stop talking, telling them gods knew what stories of the wilds and outer space.  Hank and Dutch and Paris was near the bar, trying out the different kinds of homebrews they got in these parts, Hank talking non-stop to the locals about the girls they got in town.  Annie and Dorothy were flirting with soldiers, Tacita and Flanna was running around with some youngsters, and Aphrodite was just lying on her back and staring up at the clouds with a look of wonder on her face.  And everybody seemed to like my cakes and bread, and to enjoy all the drinks that Hank had gotten over at the general store.

The biggest treat was provided by them fellers from the Minerva.  They had brought down an ice cream maker and they kept churning out the most delicious creams in all sorts of flavors.  I especially liked the myrtleberry – it tasted like a cross between strawberries and apple, with a little honey thrown in for good measure.  The locals was amazed at the flavor.  There ain’t no way to make ice cream around here, not this time of year, and so that was the first time any of them had a chance to slurp down a cold cone on a hot day.

After a bit I noticed that a bunch more people were showing up, people I’d never invited.  They had heard there was a party going on and they all wanted to join in.  Before long, I reckon that pretty much the whole village came on by.  Kids especially: they kept lining up at the ice cream maker getting cone after cone, some of them making themselves sick with it.  It sure was fun seeing them kids, and Geoffry and me spent a while playing hide and seek with a bunch of them, me covering my eyes and counting to ten and then hunting them down where they hid up trees and behind rocks and crouching low in the tall grass.

At one point, Geoffry and me was hiding in a little hole in the side of a hill.  It was kinda tight and we was squeezed awfully close, but Geoffry didn’t seem to mind.  He kept smiling and sneaking little kisses on my arms and rubbing his hands along my knees.  I was starting to feel tingly and Geoffry’s breath was speeding up when Flanna, who was also playing, found us and tagged me as It.  I don’t think I ever heard Geoffry curse before that moment.

After the game broke up, Geoffry said he sure would like to go for a walk in the woods with me.  I looked at him, his forehead shining from a layer of sweat, and I thought on what momma had said.  But I wasn’t ready to be alone with him, not like that, not yet, so I told him I wanted to stay at the party.  Besides, I don’t hardly never get a chance to see all them people these days, and being in such a big crowd was a real treat to me.

He seemed a mite disappointed, so I said he could rub some of that sun lotion on me that I got back in Menelaida.  It’s supposed to keep you from getting sunburn, but it only works if you spread it over all the places that the sun hits.  In that bikini, the sun could hit at pretty near all of me, so I told Geoffry he’d just have to put in on all over.  He didn’t seem to mind, so I spent a while having his hands rub all up and down me.  He even rubbed lotion on some places two and three times, so I reckoned I was extra-safe from the sun.

He was rubbing some lotion on the front of my legs when I noticed that he was starting to drip sweat.  A bunch of people was in the water by then, so I suggested we join them.  I lit out for the deepest part of the pool, but what do you think, Geoffry can’t swim!  So instead, we hung around the shallow parts while I showed him how to float and taught him a few simple strokes.  He seemed to like it when I held him floating in the water, one hand holding up his chest while the other lifted his legs, and afterwards he held his arms around me from behind and dragged me slowly around, my head against his chest while his hands held on to my tummy.

When we got out I noticed that the crowd had gotten even bigger.  I reckoned it was because the hands had all just got off work back at the ranch.  Hawkinsville must have been pretty much emptied out, what with everybody but the Hawkins themselves down here making merry.

I even noticed momma, wandering around with an ice cream cone in one hand and a drink in the other, telling everybody in way too loud a voice how rich I was gonna be when I was married to Geoffry.  When she spotted me standing talking with Dusty, she came over and took a long look at me.  Shaking her head, she said, “That bathing suit’s the most shameful display I ever seen.  Good work.”

Then she took a sip of her drink and sent Geoffry off to get her another.  When he was gone, she turned to me and said in a low voice, “You been out in the woods with him yet?  Well you do that soon.  The whole family fortune’s resting on you, and I want you to promise me you’ll do what I said.  Promise me, now, hear?”  I just looked at her, and I don’t know what she got from my face, but she nodded and said, “That’s good.  I’m going home now, so I won’t cramp your style.”  Then she turned and headed off.

Dusty looked at me and asked, “What was that all about?”  I told her what momma said earlier, what she wanted me to do.  “Aw shucks, don’t you pay her no mind,” she said.  “Any fool can see that it’d take five big guys with a prybar and a case of dynamite to shake Geoffry loose of you, and even then he’d come crawling back as soon as his bones mended.  You do what you want when you’re alone with him, and don’t give momma no never-mind.”

I was thinking on that when Geoffry got back with the drink.  He looked at me puzzled, but I just took the drink from him and took a long swallow, and then we turned back to the party.

By now the sun was starting to go down and the roast was almost ready.  I went over and helped one of them soldiers slice off the meat.  Everybody agreed that it was the best roast they’d ever tasted, which was only fitting since this was the best day they could remember.

We were all sitting around the fire when Dusty got out her guitar.  Hank excused himself and came back with a fiddle, one of them cowboys dug out a harmonica, and another flipped over an empty keg and started beating on it with sticks.  Dusty called out to Prometheus and said, “Hey priest!  Give us Apollo’s blessing on our music, and if it turns out well, afterwards we’ll pass the hat for an offering.” And then, after a quick prayer, the band was playing, Dusty calling out dance steps and picking at that guitar better than I ever heard her.

Geoffry was a little awkward at first, but he caught on quick.  But he never did seem to like the swing-your-neighbor parts, not judging from the way he glared at any feller who put his hand on my back in the dance.  Dancing in my bathing suit sure was a different kind of experience, cause every time a feller shared a step with me he had to put his warm hand on my bare back.  But I didn’t mind that none, and it was kinda gratifying to see how them soldiers would always jockey for the chance to be in our square.

After a bit of that, Dusty and the band took a break to grab some drinks.  There was a big bonfire going, with Prometheus burning up some trees that the soldiers had torn down with power tools from the shuttle.  The blazing light filled the clearing, and everybody was just milling about, waiting to dance some more.

About then the soldiers turned on the music from the shuttle.  It was loud and wild with a pounding beat, like nothing anyone ever heard in these parts before.  I started tapping along my foot, wondering how you’d dance to something like that, and then, since there was only one way to find out, I dragged Geoffry onto the grass and started moving to the music.

People was standing around watching us, looking mighty impressed, some of them clapping along.  I put my arms up over my head and let the beat take my body and make it move.  Some of the cowboys gave a little cheer, and then one of them soldier-boys grabbed Annie’s hand and dragged her out onto the floor.  Before long, the field was full of people gyrating in all sorts of ways.  I smiled at Geoffry: he looked pretty good, all things considered, and I gave him a little twirl of my hips, just to encourage him.  He licked his lips and moved a little closer, just a whisper between us, and I felt the heat of his body as it burned for me.  We musta danced for about an hour to that music, and before long Dusty and the band were up there improvising away, mixing a little bluegrass with the hard throbbing beat.  It sounded strange at first, but after a little acclimation it was just about perfect, and we all clapped like crazy between every song.

After one particularly good tune, the crowd just wouldn’t stop cheering.  Some fellers started in on chanting, “Dust-y! Dust-y!”, and I caught a good look at her face.  It was like she’d just been hit with a hammer, a great big happy hammer, and if I didn’t know better, I’d swear I saw her wipe a tear from her eye before starting in on another song.

After a while I was getting all overheated, so Geoffry and me sat down with a drink.  We was by the fire, but with the night so cool and me wearing so little, when we stopped dancing I started shivering.  Geoffry ran a finger over my goosebumps, then he said, “Wait a minute,” and he came back with his jacket.  He wrapped it around my shoulders, then put an arm around me and started to rub me warm.

I liked having his jacket on me.  I thought of it laying against his skin, and I cherished the smell of him surrounding me.  After that drink, my head was feeling a bit misty, and when the first explosion went off in the sky, I thought I was just seeing what I felt in my heart.

But it turned out that it was Prometheus shooting off fireworks.  He shot fireball after fireball, lighting up the sky with little exploding suns.  Before long others got into the action – cowboys shooting off their sidearms, and the soldiers firing up streaks of light from their rayguns like lightning bolts.  The cannon on the shuttle fired, startling everyone with its huge boom and huger blast of light smashing into a cloud, and I looked over to the boat and saw Annie sitting in the lap of a soldier in the cockpit, pushing the trigger while a marine clapped and laughed.

The sky was now a jumble, with fireballs, bullets, and blasters, and even a few normal fireworks that someone had squirreled away for a special occasion.  It was grand and wild and everyone kept cheering while the band played on, and I don’t know what they must have been thinking of all that noise and light back in town, if anybody was left back in town, which I doubt.

After a bit of that, Geoffry turned to me and said he sure would like it if we could go watch the fireworks from a little further out, someplace where there weren’t so many people.  He’d been awfully nice all day, and awfully patient when I kept putting him off, so I figured he was due some private-time.  And besides, I reckoned it was time now, and maybe it wouldn’t be too bad.  So I gulped and nodded, and he gave me a happy eager look.

We stopped by his tent to pick up a blanket, then we found us a quiet spot on a dark ridge near the creek, far enough back that nobody could see us but close enough so we could hear the oohs and aahs as each fireball lit the sky.  Geoffry spread out the blanket for us to lie on, then wrapped it around us as he lay down next to me and started in to nuzzling.

After one bright red explosion, he said, “Would you mind slipping off that jacket?”  It was a bit baggy on me and just getting in the way.  But I was feeling a bit playful, so I signed, “I don’t know.  I heard what you city-slickers can be like if a girl starts taking her clothes off.”  He got a worried look, but I just laughed and slipped off the coat.

It was warm under that blanket, pressed close to Geoffry.  And the lights were pretty and the night was sweet, and I wasn’t gonna let momma ruin my mood.  So it ain’t no surprise that we started in on kissing.  His lips were warm, and his arm strong where my head rested, and his hands kept rubbing up and down my bare back as I tasted ice cream on his breath.  There was a booming in the sky as someone fired off a big one, and Geoffry pulled his face back a little.  He smiled and said, “We’re engaged now, you know,” and I nodded, and he added, “Since that’s the case, I guess it’s okay if we take things a little further.”

I was working that through my head as he started in on taking some liberties.  He began by touching the parts that my bathing suit covers, his hands gently kneading away at me, and then he reached around and started working at the knots that held up my top.

The night was awhirl, and so many things was running through my head, visions from Aphrodite’s book and them hungry hands running all over me and what momma wanted me to do.  But mostly, I thought I’m engaged to such a good man, and he’s probably right, he is entitled to something special from his finacee, something more than just a kiss.  And so I didn’t stop him, even though he was getting awfully frisky, even though I wasn’t at all sure I should.

During one long kiss, one of his hands traced a trail down my side and stopped at my hip, pulling at the bow.  This was it, I thought, momma’s moment, time for me to do my duty to my family.  He was having a hard time with the knot, and it made me think on what Domina Moratus wrote.  It was almost like a Knot of Hercules that he was working, only he didn’t have a knife to cut it with.  I reckoned this was what that old story was about, how there were so many things working against a girl’s virtue that sometimes it took the strength of Hercules to defend it.

I reached down and took his hand and raised it to my lips.  I kissed his fingers and licked the tips, then moved it to my back.  He gave a gentle smile and said, “Of course,” and continued kissing and touching me, and I loved him more than I ever had, to know that he wouldn’t force me any place I didn’t want to go.

We kept at it awhile, and he seemed to be enjoying himself even if I did mostly make him keep his hands above my waist.  After a while, he took my hand and rubbed it against his stomach, soft skin under my fingers, and then moved it down to his bathing suit.  He had been so kind and I loved him so much, so I left my hand there, and even moved it around a bit when he asked me to.  I didn’t know what I was doing, but I must have been doing something right, because he started giving long, happy sighs.  He had just said, “Oh that’s good” when, in a pause between booms, I heard a crack and a splash.

I froze, and he said, “Don’t stop,” but I had to lift my hand to sign, “I thought I heard something.”

“There’s not anything,” he started to say, but right then there was another pause in the fireworks and we heard another splash and a call for help.

I heard him curse for the second time as he got up.  Saying “Wait here,” he rushed off into the darkness, and I started fumbling around looking for my top.

By the time I reached the creek, Geoffry was already halfway across.  A little downstream from him a small figure clunging to a big tree branch.  Thinking on how Geoffry can’t swim, I got out there mighty quick, and we reached the child at pretty near the same time.  The water was a little deep, but Geoffry could still touch bottom, so we didn’t have no trouble getting back to shore.

Once there we saw it was a little girl, and she had a bag on a rope tied around her waist, a bag that was leaking yellow.  She was shivering something terrible, so Geoffry carried her up to the blanket.  He took one look at the sack and said, “I wonder what’s in that.”

The girl just looked nervous, so I signed, “Eggs.”

“What’s she doing out here with a bag of eggs,” he muttered, but I didn’t see fit to tell him.  He got the sack off and wrapped her up in the blanket.  Then looking at me and saying, “You must be getting cold too,” he found his jacket, dusted it off, and put it back on me.  Then with a smile he said, “I guess we should get her back to the fire.”

“We could just send her back alone if you want,” I said.

He paused for a moment, taking a long look at me.  “No, I suppose we shouldn’t do that,” he sighed, then he picked her up and we started back.

The crowd had thinned out, but there were still a couple of dozen milling around the ice-cream machine and sitting around the fire.  Our age mostly – all the parents had gotten their kids off to bed.  As we got into the firelight, Dusty came up lapping on an ice-cream cone.

“Well don’t you look wetter than a drowned polecat,” she said.  “You safe from sacrificing now?”

“No,” I signed.

“That’s too bad.  When I noticed you missing, I reckoned you was off having a grand old time, only now it turns out you was just out for a midnight swim.”  Then she held out the cone and said, “Here, have a lick, you’ll like it.”

I tasted the ice-cream and blinked.  It had a real kick to it, and Dusty laughed.  “Hank and some of them soldier fellers spiked the ice-cream.  Tastes good, don’t it?”  I shrugged and took another lick.  Then I took a close look at Dusty.  There was a great big smile on her lips that was more than just spiked ice-cream, and for a moment her eye shone.  Then in a full voice she said, “Oh Daisy, today’s just the best day ever!”

I looked over to where Geoffry was setting the child near the fire, still wrapped up in the blanket, and I nodded.  “It sure is.”

Dear Diary,

I just been over to the shuttle to drop off some things for the party.  I’m back at home now, feeling just as fretful as a kitten in a kennel.

First off I been looking everywhere for my coin purse.  I’m pretty sure I had it yesterday when I rode into town.  I know I had it when we was back in Menelaida, because I paid for Dorothy’s dresses from it.  But yesterday, when I needed some money to get ingredients and stuff for the party, I just couldn’t find it.  That weren’t no big problem right then because I had a few coins in my jacket pocket, though I don’t know when I put them there.  But I used up them coins yesterday, and now I can’t find my purse anywhere.

That purse had all my savings in it.  That’s all my money for the wedding, money to pay for our family’s part of everything.  More important, I was gonna use what was left after the wedding for my dowry.  I kept thinking on that yesterday when momma was going on and on to Geoffry about how I didn’t have no dowry, and how nice Geoffry was being about it.  I figured I’d be able to surprise them all when we sat down to talk about the wedding contract, and how Geoffry’s folks wouldn’t think ill of me when they saw how big and respectable a dowry I been able to earn.  Only now I ain’t got nothing, and that means I can’t make a decent show of things, which Geoffry deserves.  Maybe I shouldn’t marry him after all, not if I can’t do it all right and proper.

What’s even worse is I just keep wondering about where it’s gone.  I mean, what if momma decided she needed a nest egg in case Geoffry wasn’t of a mind to be generous to her once he controlled all my earnings?  But she wouldn’t take my money, would she?  I never would have thought so before, I never would have doubted my own mother, but she did sell my things when she needed to.  Maybe she’d think it was just a matter of survival, and maybe she’d be right.  I sure do hate thinking like that – I gotta get it out of my mind.  Besides, there ain’t nothing I could do if she did take my purse, so I’m just gonna have to look harder and find it.

But there ain’t no time for that now.  I got a more important decision to make.  I gotta decide what to wear to the party.

You see, it’s a swimming party, but I got two bathing suits to choose from.  There’s the one-piece, which is nice and decent with that little skirt that don’t show nothing a feller shouldn’t see.  There ain’t nobody in town who’d say boo to me swimming with everyone in a suit like that.

But then there’s the little pink one, and that’s an awful temptation.  Sure it shows off a lot of skin.  Why, even my belly button shows when I’m wearing that suit.  But I got a feeling that Geoffry would like the look of me in a suit like that.  He’s a city boy, so I’m sure he wouldn’t be too shocked – more like just the right amount of shocked, I’m thinking.  But I can’t imagine what the folks in these parts would say if they knew I was wearing something like that when men was around.  I recollect all the talk when Annie’s slip showed during the Saturnalia Pageant last year, and a slip ain’t nothing to that two-piece.

I’m almost sorry now this is going to be a swimming party.  It could have been a big picnic, or a hoedown out at a barn, or something else.  But I suppose when I was setting this up, some part of my head was already thinking of wearing that two-piece, and how Geoffry’s eyes would look when he saw it.  And I reckon that I even liked the idea of shocking the folks just a little, showing them that I ain’t no little girl no more, that I’m a woman of the world now and the world is a bigger place than Hawkinsville.

And besides that, it almost seems like it would be a waste, not wearing it after coming this far, not after all that I paid for it.  But I just don’t know if I got the nerve.

Anyways, I’m gonna have to decide soon.  The party’s starting real soon now, and though I reckon I’ll be a little late (Domina Moratus says it’s always okay for a lady to make an entrance), I don’t have much time to make up my mind.  I wish Dusty was here to tell me what to do, though I reckon that whatever she said would just cause trouble.  I could ask momma, I suppose, but I don’t reckon she’d understand, and besides it wouldn’t be good for her nerves.

Maybe I’ll just flip a coin.  Or maybe I shouldn’t think so much on myself, not be so selfish.  After all, Geoffry and me’s engaged now.  I reckon it would only be right for me to think on what he would like.  But I really don’t know, and I surely got to decide.

Later…

Momma just came over when I was writing up this entry and said she had to have a talk with me.  “Daisy honey,” she said, “You’re engaged now, and there’s some things I need to tell you.”  That sounded pretty serious, so I set aside my pencil and paid her close attention.  “Do you remember all those things I told you when you went away, about how men would take advantage if you let them, and how you had to be extra careful to preserve yourself so that a decent man would want you some day?”

I thought on Phoebus when she said that, and I reckon I must have blushed a bit, but I just nodded and signed, “I remember, Momma.  And I been a good girl – I ain’t done nothing to shame you.  And I ain’t planning on it neither.”

“Well forget it.  Just forget all those things I said.

“Now you close your mouth and listen to Momma.  You’ve managed to find yourself an eligible man, a professional man with real prospects.  I don’t know how you did it, seeing as you have no money or family connections and can’t even talk.  I never figured you’d amount to anything more than a serving girl, but I suppose women must be scarce out on the trail, and maybe your your doctor finds a quiet tongue to be an asset in a woman.

“But the important thing to remember is that you’ve hooked your fish, but he isn’t in the bucket yet.  I’ve known plenty an engagement to end when the girl held back and the man lost interest.  You’ve got to make sure that doesn’t happen here.

“Now a man usually wants just one thing.  And once he has that thing, he’s off and after the next distraction.  But some men like to think of themselves as honorable gentlemen, and when a man like that thinks a girl has sacrificed her all for him, it binds him closer to her.

“That doctor of yours strikes me as one of those types of men.  So the next time you’re alone with him, you just let yourself get carried away.  You pretend to resist, because you don’t want him to think you’re too easy, but then you give in.  After that, there’s nothing that will pry him away from you, you mark my words.”

Well I was stunned to hear that from my own momma, that’s for sure.  I just shook my head and signed, “But Momma, I want to be a good girl.  I want to save myself, for things to be all right and proper on my wedding day.”

She just glared at me.  “Now don’t you go getting all missish with me.  There will be plenty of time to say no to him after you’re married: now’s the time to think of your future.”  She stroked her chin in thought.  “It would be even better if you could manage to get pregnant.  That would certainly force his hand.  Or better yet, just give in and then tell him you’re pregnant – he won’t know any different even if he is a doctor, not until it’s too late, and then you can pretend something went wrong.  That’s easy enough, I can show you how to do that, and that will even give you an excuse to say no to him later.

“Now I spoke to your uncle Bill yesterday, and I’m sorry to say that I doubt that he’ll be willing to do his family duty if push comes to shove.  Do you figure one of those friends of yours would be willing to hold a shotgun to Geoffry if necessary?  Maybe that Dutch fellow: with that big fierce beard, his face was made to be seen behind a shotgun at a wedding.  I suppose we could always ask your sister to do it, but she’s just not reliable, and she’s certainly not scary enough.  Well, no matter.  I’ll talk to Dutch and see what he’ll do.

“Meanwhile, you go enjoy your party, but remember what I said.  If he asks you to go for a walk in the woods, you go.  And when he tries something, you just think of your future and do what’s necessary.”

I sat there with absolutely no idea what to think.  I didn’t like the idea of dragging Geoffry into a bucket, let alone all that other stuff, but I sure didn’t want him get bored with me.  Was momma right?  Now I didn’t know what to do, the next time we were alone.  And I really got to leave now – I’m gonna be awful late as it is.

Today just got a whole lot more complicated, that’s about the only thing I’m sure of right now.

Dear Diary,

It’s morning now.  The sun’s been up about an hour and I been up a little longer still, cooking, mostly, getting some breads and cakes in the oven for the party.  Judging from the snoring, momma’s still asleep and will be for a while.  So I’m all alone, for the first time in a long while.

Kneading dough leaves a lot of room for thinking, and stirring batter don’t occupy much brain.  So I’ve had a lot of time to mull through all the things I saw yesterday.  I kept recollecting how scared Momma and the girls got when they heard the shuttle coming down.  I reckon I would have felt the same way a couple of months ago, my eyes big as a rabbit’s, wondering what was going on.  But after riding in all sorts of ships big and small, and even piloting a few, I never even thought of worrying when I heard the engine’s roar.

But that weren’t the strangest thing that happened yesterday.  After visiting Grandmother, I took Geoffry over to pay our respects to Miz Hawkins.  I figured it was only right, her being the most important lady in these parts.  Besides, I used to work for her after Daddy passed.

We went on over and was shown in by Daphne, the slave girl she got to replace me.  Miz Hawkins was sitting in her parlor having a cup of tea, just the same as the last time I saw her.  Geoffry introduced himself and they made smalltalk, and Miz Hawkins had the girl bring us each a cup of lemonade.  As she brought them in on a tray, I got a good look at her.

Daphne sure did look a mite nervous, trying her hardest to keep from making any mistakes, being careful not to meet anyone’s glance.  I reckon I know what that’s like, working for Miz Hawkins.  She’s got a sharp eye for a mistake, and a sharper tongue when she spots one.  I felt a mite sorry for that girl, and gave her a nod and a smile.

I thought what it must be like to be her, and it didn’t take much imagining, having been there myself.  I remembered how nervous I used to be around Mr Hawkins and his hands, and how I’d always try to be out of sight whenever Herc Thomas came by.  He’s the head of Mr Hawkins’s enforcers, and I always hated it when he looked at me when them cold eyes, always fingering the two pistols he wore on his belt.  I heard tales of the things he did when Mr Hawkins needed someone put in his place, and it always worried me that I’d do something that so offended to make Mr H decide only Herc could set it straight.

Only now, when Herc walked past the window and looked in, I met his eyes bold as could be.  It was strange, but Herc don’t bother me no more.  I mean, I’m sure he’s tough and all, and I heard stories of how quick he was with them guns of his, but I never heard of him being dropped alone into a room full of stone-cold killers and leaving them all in pools of blood like Hank did that time, and if I ain’t nervous around Hank anymore, I don’t see why Herc should bug me.  Even them guns on his belt weren’t worrisome, not now that I been carrying around better guns myself these past few weeks.  Nowadays, old Herc just seems like awfully small-potatoes.

That got me thinking on Mr Hawkins himself.  I remember how daddy always made a big deal when Mr H spoke to him, how he’d call him The Boss, and how you could always hear them capital letters when he said it.  He’d brag to momma about how much Mr H depended on him, and how that made him such an important feller he was.  Everyone in these parts better do whatever The Boss tells them, daddy would say, or they’re gonna get a visit some dark night by that squad of bully boys he keeps on the payroll.  There’s all sorts stories of that, of how he runs things in these parts with an iron hand, and I recollect how scared I used to be whenever he noticed me.

Only thing is, I’m used to bigger fellers now.  Think on Captain Crispin, who’s got a whole battalion of them Eyes of Horus all ready to drop down and stomp out anyone if he should give the word.  Or the Daughter of Heaven, who could probably talk her man into starting a war if she wanted.  Not a range war, but the real thing, complete with bombs and everything.  And those two are nice as you please, full of good manners, not the sorts to go throwing their weight around for no good reason.  Next to them, Mr Hawkins ain’t nothing but a minor little bully boy, nobody I need concern myself with at all.

I was thinking all that as I noticed Daphne, standing in the corner trying not to be noticed while she snuck peeks at Geoffry and me.  That’s how I would have been, if I had never left town.  Stealing a glance at the stranger folks visiting from the wide world, people who knew what was on the other side of the next hill, folks who knew what Arcadia looked like from space.  I felt my heart go out to her – maybe I’ll ask Dusty to steal her away when we go.  That’d probably make the Goddess happy.

As we was leaving, I ran into Augustina Hawkins.  She always led the smart set when we was in school, the ones that always called me dummy.  But there ain’t no sense in holding a grudge, not any more, so I gave her with a hug and invited her to my party.  She looked awfully surprised, then sniffed and backed off like I was some sort of creepy-crawlie while saying that a barbecue might be quaint but she really had better things to do.  But that didn’t bother me none – it just made me think of the Daughter of Heaven, who could be stiff and scary as could be, and was about the most beautiful person I ever seen who wasn’t a goddess, but was never mean about any of it.  I reckon that’s what real class is like, and Augustina’s got a long ways to go before she figures that out.

Besides, I felt a little sorry for Augustina.  I mean, that dress she was wearing, well, she was trying, I suppose, but it looked awfully drab, with that small-town cut and the kind of muted colors you get from the local dyes.  Nice enough for these parts, I reckon.  But really, not anywhere near as sharp as what I was wearing.  And that’s only my second-best dress.

Dear Diary,

This day just keeps getting grander and grander!

Laurie and Annie and me was just finishing the dinner dishes after a nice meal with Momma when there was a big screeching boom up in the sky.  Momma went all pale and Laurie and Annie started looking around like they was wondering whether they should light out for the hills or dive down into the root cellar, but I recognized the sound as a shuttle and told them there weren’t nothing to worry about.  I led them outside (and pretty near all the neighbors were out there looking up, those that weren’t nailing their shutters closed) and sure enough, one of the Minerva’s boats was settling down in a field near where Geoffry was camping.

Laurie was nervous when I said we should go on over and say hi, but Annie was all for it when I said there’d probably be soldiers there.  (I’d told them all about my date with Phoebus, and Annie said she’d have to find herself a soldier-boy to make a bet with.  I told her she wouldn’t know which end of the gun to point, but she said all the better.)  Momma said she wasn’t up for a walk, so we left her sitting in the parlor with a tall glass of rosewater.

When we got there, there was about a dozen Eyes of Horus setting up watch stations around the shuttle.  Annie’s eyes kept darting from one to another looking like a squirrel that couldn’t decide which was the tastiest nut.  I had to admit that some of them boys looked awfully nice in their uniforms, but my Geoffry was still the handsomest feller there.  And besides that, there was other people there to see – Tacita and Flanna and Aphrodite and Paris (the boy that Dusty and them rescued in Antioch) had all come down with the soldiers.  Turns out that Dusty invited them all to the barbecue, and Captain Crispin was nice enough to let them use a shuttle to come on down.  All my friends, old and new, are gonna be at the party.  I can’t hardly wait!

What with everyone sitting around the fire, tonight turned into a party all its own.  Dusty came on by with Sophie and Slim and Silas telling jokes and tall tales of the trails, and Hank was teaching Paris how to drink and shoot and asking if there were any girls around to show him what else he needed to know about being a man.  (He asked Aphrodite if she’d do it, but she figured that Paris was a little young yet, and besides, she said she only spread her legs for one feller these days.)  Laurie seemed real impressed with Geoffry, though Annie only had eyes for the soldiers.  I guess a uniform really does turn the head of some girls.  (I warned her what soldiers could be like, but that didn’t stop her from hanging around and giggling at them.  There ain’t no harm in flirting, I guess, though I might just ask Geoffry to give her some of them pills he was talking about me taking when we got married, the ones that keep a girl from having a baby until she’s ready for one.)

Prometheus got a great big camp fire going and I cooked up some stew for the fellers.  After cleaning up, Geoffry said he’d like me to show him some of the places where the couples went to be alone.  I told him I never been to any of them spots, not with a feller, anyway, but I knew where they was from Dusty’s stories of how she and Sophie would go out there at night and throw eggs at anyone they found kissing.  We wandered off and found a quiet spot overlooking the creek, one where we had our backs to a rock in case Dusty decided to stir up mischief.

Geoffry’s learned a little hand-talk, enough to get by, and it sure is a lot easier to talk with him when I don’t have to write notes for everything.  So we sat there and just talked and talked about all sorts of stuff, things that we could never discuss out on the trail with everyone listening in all the time.  Geoffry said he liked my hometown, but reckoned he’d prefer to get married back in Antioch.  I suppose that could be nice.  We could have the ceremony in a park or something, where there’s green and trees and all.  And I can see why he might want to have the wedding night back at his house.  There really ain’t any place in Hawkinsville to rent, and borrowing somebody’s home for a wedding night sounds a mite awkward.  Besides that, it would probably mean a lot to him to start our marriage in the room where he slept growing up.

We also talked some about our honeymoon.  He said he had some friends who had a cabin in the woods we could borrow, and he figured it would be nice to spend a week or so up there all alone together.  He wants to spend a big block of time with just me, and he says that there’s plenty of quiet up in the woods.  It sounds nice, especially if the cabin has running water: I’d rather not spend half my honeymoon pumping water any time I want a bath.  That just goes to show how quickly a girl can get spoiled – I ain’t never bathed in piped-in water until the last two months, and here I am now demanding it!

Geoffry also told me that he had a talk with Aphrodite, just like mine.  She showed him that book of hers, and he spent a good long time going through it.  He said there were a whole bunch of things in that book he’d like to try, once we’re married, and he figured that we could spend a full honeymoon and never try the same thing twice.  (He didn’t say which things, and I’m a mite nervous about that.  But I figure I’ll be his wife, so I’ll just have to get used to doing whatever he wants.)  He says we can get our own copy of the book in Antioch, cause they have just about everything for sale there somewhere.

After a bit we headed on back.  It was getting late and Laurie and Annie had left, so Geoffry walked me home.  It sure was a pretty night, with all the crickets singing and all, and I gotta admit that we didn’t rush.  Still, I’m back now, and ready for bed.  Today sure was a nice day, but I’m betting tomorrow will be even nicer.

PS: Yes, you nosy Diary.  Geoffry gave me a kiss or two out in the woods.  Maybe even three, though I’m not one for keeping score.  And yes, I sat in his lap while he kissed me.  But we’re engaged now, and a feller’s entitled to sit his financee down in his lap and give her a kiss when he wants.  (I’m a financee now!  That sounds almost as good as being a wife!)

Dear Diary,

Geoffry asked momma for my hand in marriage and momma said yes!

I knew she’d say yes.  I mean, I was almost sure she’d like Geoffry and be happy that he’s a doctor and all, so I thought that she’d be okay with him marrying me.  But what if she wasn’t?  What if she didn’t?  I don’t know what I would have done then!

Only I don’t have to worry about it, because she said yes and so we’re now officially engaged to be married.  Well, almost official – we got to have the betrothal still.  But there ain’t no stopping that now, so we’re as engaged as we need to be.  Me, engaged to be married to Geoffry!  I’m going to be Mrs Geoffry Bentry, the doctor’s wife!  Oh diary, I am so excited I’m fit to bust!   I can’t hardly wait for the wedding, whenever it’s going to take place!  I’m ready to be his bride right now!

After momma said yes, the rest of the day just galloped past in a daze.  I wanted to take Geoffry everywhere and introduce him to everyone and show him all the places where I grew up.  So we went to Aunt Millie’s and Grandmother’s and the general store and even to see Mrs Hawkins out at her spread.  Aunt Millie told the fellers where they could set up camp near a stream that wasn’t being used.  (Mr Dutch said he didn’t want to impose on momma by staying on our land, which I reckon is awfully considerate of him, and Geoffry and Hank right off said they figured that would be a good idea.  I know the stream where they’re staying, and it is nice even if Geoffry will be almost a mile from where I am, though I reckon that’s not too far on Buttercup.  It sure is nice having my own horse here – getting around is so much easier when you don’t have to walk everywhere!)

We caught up with Dusty before going to Grandmother’s.  She’d gone running off to Sophie’s, just like the old days.  Sophie’s got her own home and husband now, with a baby on the way.  I’m sorry we missed her wedding – I got to ask her if she’s got any pointers about that.

When we got to Grandmother’s house, she was uncommonly nice.  Oh, she had a word or two about momma, but she was awfully nice to the fellers and Dusty and me.  At one point, she took Dusty to the other room for a long talk.  I don’t know what-all that was about, except Dusty admits that she’s the one who’s gonna be killing the emperor, only now it’s three emperors she’s gonna kill, and start two wars, or maybe it’s two emperors and three wars, I can’t keep track.  Anyway, that’s what Dusty says they talked about, so there probably ain’t nothing to it.

We’re gonna have a big swim party down near Bob’s Hole tomorrow.  Hank’s getting a steer to roast and I’m gonna cook up a bunch of fixins, and Prometheus said he reckoned he’d put on a fireworks show after helping roast the beef.  I’m awfully excited: we’re inviting all my friends in town and I’ll get to show off Geoffry to all of them.

I gotta go now.  Laurie and Annie are here to help me start cooking for tomorrow.  There’s lots to get ready, and besides I’m looking forward to having a good gossip with my old friends.  I wonder if Annie’s still dating Will Parker, or was she with the peddler feller when I left?  I can never keep track of her beaus, but I can’t wait to see what she thinks of mine!